it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
