Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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