In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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