I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think my moral compass just broke
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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