they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
