why didn't you poke me back
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
