he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
