Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
