I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
