THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
