So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
