So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
