p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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