My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
