My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you will always have a special place in my vag
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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