Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
