The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
