oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
