yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
