dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The best revenge is premature balding
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
