Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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