we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
