I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
