you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
