I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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