He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
