I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
