Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
