no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
