I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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