not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
