I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
