If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
