My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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