so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
