Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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