Only a mothe r could love this liver
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
