i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
