girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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