you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
