we're chasing vodka with high fives
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
