Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We need to get me chipped asap
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
