God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
