I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
