you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
