just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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