I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
