just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
