Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
