I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
