apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
