You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
