Already got asked if we're dating
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
