So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
