I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
