Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
