her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
