Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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