See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
