So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
