I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
