U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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